reconnecting

It’s nothing personal. Truly. Several of you have attempted to contact me via email, MySpace, Facebook, etc. Some have received replies—brief phrases or a couple sentences. My mother is the only person who I keep a regular contact with from home, calling every week and sending emails a couple of times a week. I should’ve probably told you all to contact her if you were wondering how and what I was doing here, but even she doesn’t have the whole picture.

I haven’t written, blogged, posted, called, or made contact for several reasons (like… trips to the internet café are a pain to schedule and administer, my blog site rarely responds favorably to my requests, and I somehow got freakishly busy over here…), not the least of which was the simple fact that I have experienced so much, changed so severely, and learned more than all my previous learning experiences combined to effectively put anything into words. I stopped writing. The journal I so diligently kept for the first month of my time here in South Africa sits on my bedside table collecting dust. My blog stops at Swaziland, but even that post was difficult to write and was a long time coming when it finally appeared on the web. No one has seen pictures—the faces of those I have grown to love so dearly, the places to which I have traveled, or the amazing land in which I live. I left you all in the dark. It was a vicious cycle as every time I sat down to write I would try to start back where I left off, and then the task of remembering, writing, details, and such would become so burdensome that I would give up, with the best of intentions to begin again tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

I have been here for over three months. Three amazing months. It is so strange to think back on my arrival, of my first thoughts of these people and this land. Thinking back on who I was this summer makes me shudder, as I’m sure it does to some of you reading as well. But I will get to that in another post. Today has been set aside and ordained by Him to reconnect, and that is what I will do. I will write and remember and reconnect until it is complete—until those of you back in the States once again feel or come to realize that you are as much a part of this as I am. You are my supporters. You support me with your prayers (and thank you!!!), your encouragement, and your love. You support me by not forgetting about the people here, their challenges and growth, and the work that God is doing here. I need you and I abandoned you. I am sorry.

Please continue to read. I know it is quite a bit, and though it is only a small window into this journey, I pray that you will all come alongside with me in this. More will appear on Monday, as internet time is (of course) limited today as well. Read some now, save some for later, check again Monday, print it out and read it in your spare time—but do read it. I don’t deserve you all, but I am still so blessed by you. I love that that is the way that God works—we deserve nothing, we can earn nothing, but He is so faithful and continues to bless us and bless us and bless us. Read and see this.

"I thank God every time I remember you."

-Philippians 1:3